He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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