Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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