My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
