Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
