Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
