Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
