Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
