You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
