i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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