Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
