i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize