I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
