I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
