areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
