There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
