you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to make out with him forever
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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