Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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