she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's great music for shaving your balls
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
