No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize