i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
