How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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