I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
be right there i have to get my cape
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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