Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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