Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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