Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
