when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
