she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
we're so committed to being not committed
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
