I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
