i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
