I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
