Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
