hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
