You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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