I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
