we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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