Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
