Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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