So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize