I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
