omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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