There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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