dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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