Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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