I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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