We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize