Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
