Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
