nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
So apparently I’m into choking now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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