Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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