Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
