Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
