Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
