I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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