The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
