I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He passed out mid-signature
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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