i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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