the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
