are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
