So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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