I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
