Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
