dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
