im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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