I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
