you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
