Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize