I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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