I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
