Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize