Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
