And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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