oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
