I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
