He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
