people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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