is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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