I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
