i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
