well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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