At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The uberlube is also flammable
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
