You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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