Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
