I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
