Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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