who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
