I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
