He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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