opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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