i don't like sucking hair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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