We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
